Just to clear up any confusion that might remain over my tax affairs.
Yes, I had myself named a charity in 2004, at which point I opened up my trousers to be used as a school by underprivileged children.
Yes, I incorporated in 2006. Ian Bowler PLC has been trading in ham futures for quite some time now, and the proceeds from my public speaking engagements and from my regular column in Gay Tims (I cover any historical Tims, and how gay – or otherwise – they might have been. This week: Saint Timothy of Lystra, 83% likelihood) go into this company.
Yes, I pay myself a minimal salary in director’s drawings from one of my actual drawers.
Yes, my MP’s salary I take in kind, as is outlined in the Parliament Act of 1548. Currently, I receive 14 tuns of mead, nine score of hogs’ head, a hive of bees with an active queen, and 4 urchins (sea or street).
Yes, my expenses are paid directly into my wife’s, Brenda’s, bank account because she deals with household management from her household in tax haven Jersey.
Yes, I have been known to give the addresses of investigative journalists to noted financial fraudsters with whom I went to school, if they got too close to disclosing various financial dealings.
I hope that clears everything up. You people are vultures.